Thursday, September 15, 2011

Random mush of babbling...

Yesterday I had a very unpleasant encounter with another individual. It was loud and angry and hurtful. There was swearing and accusations thrown at me from this person and despite it all, I just found myself sitting there and apologizing. I then proceeded to spend the next hour crying (not in front of this person) and then went home and dwelt on in for the rest of the evening. I was told by someone else that I need to put a barricade up and not let this affect my life. Don't take it home with me and don't think about it again. Problem is....I have NO idea how to do that. I don't know how to let it go. Here is this person....a person that is unstable, irrational and defensive and frankly a person that I don't really even like that much and despite knowing these things about her I still took it home and let it fester. People say "let it go" and "don't let it get to you".
HOW?!? How do I do that? What is it about me that can't stand that someone (even someone crazy) is mad at me? I would love to not care. I would love to let it go. I just don't know quite how to do that. I worry about what people think about me. I worry about me saying the wrong thing. I worry about losing friends and second guess a lot of what I say and do because of this. Even now as I write this I worry about who (if anyone) will read it and what they will think.
Argh. I think it's time for some chocolate.

2 comments:

bkbills said...

Sarah, I understand completely. I do the same thing. Even with friends and family who I know will love me no matter what I say, I often stew over what I said to them. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I have learned how to change that a bit and it has been a load off my back to just say, "It's about them, not me." You are amazing and I think you are a special person. Hope things go better today! Call if you need anything.:)

Jessica nan said...

Semi Truck.. you and me :) Hang in there.. it's always easier to tell someone else to not let it bother them.. you are a wonderful person. and you are entitled to feel hurt. That counts. Just remember that chocolate is the best barrier ;)