Sunday, September 23, 2012


Life goes by so fast.  The other day I heard someone say that the days are long, but the years are short.  In some ways I feel like I can't believe how much time has passed in my life.  I can't believe how long we've been married, I can't believe how old I am, etc.  In other ways I feel like I am still waiting for life to begin.  The days can be so mundane that it seems at times like I am not living life.  There are moments that break up the mundane though.

 Like this past weekend we were able to welcome a new nephew into our family.  My brother and his wife had their second little boy.  I was happy...and grateful...that my sister-in-law was kind enough to let us come so soon after the baby was born and visit with them in the hospital and show up at their house a couple times a day.  It was so fun snuggling with a brand new baby. 

Andy and baby Landon

All too soon though it was time to leave and get back to life, which made today a rough day.  It's hard for me to gauge how much to write on this thing.  Sometimes I read blogs and people are super open about their feelings and what not and they get tons of feedback and support.  Other times I see people try to be open and people accuse them of being passive aggressive and being scared off by their feelings.  I read this one blog of a girl that I went to college with.  She recently posted a few posts that were very blunt, very open and very honest.  I really admired that.  And then I was jealous.  I was jealous of her ability to do that and I was jealous of all the support that she got.  The truth is I have been having a really rough time for the past few months.  There are a lot of reasons for it and I'm not really up to putting them on here.  I typed out a whole blog (like the one I read) sharing the feelings and anxiety I've been having and as soon as I was done I deleted it.  Everyone has problems and maybe I just need to learn how to be stronger. I am just rambling.  Maybe this one will be deleted too!!


Paula said...

You may just get to the point where you just explode with feelings. That was the point where we got these past couple of years. I was just "done" with stupid people so I started ranting about them-- then I started to get a bit softer in my rants while still maintaining my belief that a few people close to me are stupid. It helps me talk about things, or write about them, even if I don't post. It helps me to organize my thoughts.

I think a lot of us hold stuff in so much to present this "image," especially in the church. There needs to be more openness and honesty so that people don't feel so alone in their trials, so strange and out of touch (unrighteous? unfaithful?) when they struggle. Then again, I am stuck in Primary, so maybe I am just cut off from most adult Mormons. Maybe they do these things, but I just don't know it because I hang out with kids at church.

I just know that I am sick of feeling like a normal person at work and a weirdo at church. I am sure other people who don't fit the norm feel like weirdos as well, so maybe my bluntness will bring them out of the woodwork. =)

Sorry for the random comment. =)

Bailee said...

I know exactly what you mean. I think you are fantastic. It's hard to find a balance. Posting everything you feel leaves you open and vulnerable.I guess it's a matter of what you need the most. I love reading your blog and I'm grateful you share a little bit of yourself with this silly world.

I'm A. said...

Blogging can be confusing. I thinking about blogging ALL THE TIME, like, way more than is probably normal. I think I came to the conclusion that for me, blogging was about feedback. If I want to write my private feelings then I put it in my journal. However, I'm not a super private person and I enjoy writing which is why I loved blogging. I loved to put it out there into the world and see what people had to say. If I wrote a blog and then felt like I needed to delete it afterwards then I knew it was to personal to post, so I just saved it, but never published it.

Anyway, I had some wonderful, eye opening experiences on my blog. I got great feedback and people were kinder than I anticipated. It was nice to not feel alone. There were also some super sketchy, mean debates going on at times too. But overall, I loved blogging for the feedback.

With all that said, I've quit blogging. Haha. But just wanted you to know that whatever you are struggling with, I'm sorry.

And your new nephew is precious!

Luann said...

For me, a lot of it is just about writing it down. I started a private blog that only I can see for those days that I need to explode those feelings. I think another thing is to have a few people you can unload that stuff on. I have a few good Switzerland friends: they are really good at listening and giving good advice while staying neutral on the subject. I'm sorry you're struggling and thank you for sharing.

Lindsey said...

I am a firm believer in writing what you feel, even during hard times! It is not only healing for you, but it really can help others!

During our (now that I look back, very brief) battle with infertility, I was very open with my feelings and struggles. Not only was the love and support I recieved uplifting, I learned how not alone I was as others shared common struggles with me. I have since then also had people who are much more private come to me for support when facing the same challenge.

Anyways, that's my two cents. If writing it out then deleting it is what is healing...go for it. But you never know the support you are missing, or who you could help, until you put yourself out there!

paul and lacy ebert said...
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