Monday, September 17, 2012
Friday, September 07, 2012
Some Nights...
Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I call it a draw
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure, what I stand for oh oh oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
Save that for the black and white I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,
But here they come again to jack my style
That's alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
Stops my bones from wondering just who I, who I, who I am, oh who am I, mm, mm
Well some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure, what I stand for oh oh oh
What do I stand for? Oh what do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know anymore
Save that for the black and white I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,
But here they come again to jack my style
That's alright, I found a martyr in my bed tonight
Stops my bones from wondering just who I, who I, who I am, oh who am I, mm, mm
Well some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win
Well that is it, guys, that is all, five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands
Love this song!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Brothers...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Saras list cont...
11. I love the passion you have for things you like there is no halfway with you, you go all in.
12. I admire your love and passion you have for your students. They may drive you up the wall at times but I truly believe you love each kid you work with.
13. I love your passion for music and how you take great interest in the songs that move you. They don't have to be popular or even well known they just have to touch you.
14. I admire your ability to take on difficult challenges, they may be hard but it seems like you always find a way through them.
15. You always have a compassion for the underdog its the ones that no one gives a chance that you root for because everyone at one time in their life has the odds stacked against them.
16. Your knowledge of gymnastics is amazing and I love hearing you scream Yeah!!! when a gymnast hits their landing and you are so excited like you did for McCayla Maroney when she hit her vault.
17. You do not hide who you are. You are not fake and will not placate people which makes you real. I will always know where I stand with you because you do not put a show on how you want people to perceive you. You are real.
18. I love to travel across the country with you are passion for seeing beauty around the country and our travel conversations make it one of my favorite things to do. Its at these trips we do some of our best communication
19. I love the way you hold on to traditions. Family traditions from your past and ones we make together have always been important to you.
20. I love watching shows and movies with you and enjoying that common ground.
Happy Birthday!
Love Andy
Go to Facebook and check your messages.
12. I admire your love and passion you have for your students. They may drive you up the wall at times but I truly believe you love each kid you work with.
13. I love your passion for music and how you take great interest in the songs that move you. They don't have to be popular or even well known they just have to touch you.
14. I admire your ability to take on difficult challenges, they may be hard but it seems like you always find a way through them.
15. You always have a compassion for the underdog its the ones that no one gives a chance that you root for because everyone at one time in their life has the odds stacked against them.
16. Your knowledge of gymnastics is amazing and I love hearing you scream Yeah!!! when a gymnast hits their landing and you are so excited like you did for McCayla Maroney when she hit her vault.
17. You do not hide who you are. You are not fake and will not placate people which makes you real. I will always know where I stand with you because you do not put a show on how you want people to perceive you. You are real.
18. I love to travel across the country with you are passion for seeing beauty around the country and our travel conversations make it one of my favorite things to do. Its at these trips we do some of our best communication
19. I love the way you hold on to traditions. Family traditions from your past and ones we make together have always been important to you.
20. I love watching shows and movies with you and enjoying that common ground.
Happy Birthday!
Love Andy
Go to Facebook and check your messages.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Dream...
When I dream, I tend to dream very vividly. Frequently I wake up and I can't tell if the dream was just a dream or if it actually happened. Last night I had the worst dream. I still can't shake it. In my dreams there aren't monsters and chase scenes. They are a random mix of real life events, my insecurities or some of my deepest fears. Last nights dream was a mix of my worst insecurities and some of my biggest fears. It was very real. It is one of the things I fear the most and I woke up believing it had really happened or was a premonition of things to come. Sometimes I think I am my own worst enemy. My subconscious is playing tricks on me. I really don't like it.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
I love...
...finding new music. Especially new music that I can put on repeat for days. I love it when a song makes a connection with me and can strike an emotion anytime I listen to it.
My two most recent finds.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
To journal or not to journal....
Last week in YW I taught the lesson on keeping personal records. It was an interesting lesson for me to teach because I am definitely not one that diligently keeps a journal. I brought a couple of the journals that I have kept and even read a couple pages out of one to the girls. My first journal entry was September 15, 1989 and back then my entries consisted of things like this:
As I looked through the scattered journal entries from high school and college, there were a lot of things that I wondered why the heck I wrote them, some good memories and some things I want to forget. While prepping for my lesson I came across this quote:
"Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are “made up” for a public performance. There is a temptation to paint one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices, but there is also the opposite pitfall of accentuating the negative. Personally I have little respect for anyone who delves into the ugly phases of the life he is portraying, whether it be his own or another's. The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely circumspect?" - President Spencer W. Kimball, Oct. 1975 New Era
I am an emotional person. I feel a lot and I feel deeply. I started this blog as a bit of a journal, but as I've written on it I have found that some things can't and shouldn't be shared in a place like this. Some things have come back to bite me and other things I want to get out, but don't feel like this is the appropriate place. There are times when I want to get it out. The good, bad and really ugly, but 50 years from now I don't want my kids reading my journal and thinking that their mom was a fruit cake. So how do I find the balance between being honest and not writing down experiences from a "made up" life and not dwelling solely on the negative? It interesting teaching these lessons to twelve year old girls when you aren't really sure yourself.
"Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are “made up” for a public performance. There is a temptation to paint one’s virtues in rich color and whitewash the vices, but there is also the opposite pitfall of accentuating the negative. Personally I have little respect for anyone who delves into the ugly phases of the life he is portraying, whether it be his own or another's. The truth should be told, but we should not emphasize the negative. Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely circumspect?" - President Spencer W. Kimball, Oct. 1975 New Era
I am an emotional person. I feel a lot and I feel deeply. I started this blog as a bit of a journal, but as I've written on it I have found that some things can't and shouldn't be shared in a place like this. Some things have come back to bite me and other things I want to get out, but don't feel like this is the appropriate place. There are times when I want to get it out. The good, bad and really ugly, but 50 years from now I don't want my kids reading my journal and thinking that their mom was a fruit cake. So how do I find the balance between being honest and not writing down experiences from a "made up" life and not dwelling solely on the negative? It interesting teaching these lessons to twelve year old girls when you aren't really sure yourself.
Friday, May 25, 2012
So much to see....
Today was my last day of work...well for a week. Then summer school starts and we're back to the grind. It seems I've been so busy these past few months and especially these past couple of weeks, that now that I have time to just sit...it's kind of weird. But here I sit...a little bored...a little lonely...and what better to do with my new found free time than plan road trips and daydream. I have the road trip itch something fierce right now. There is so much to see!
A couple years ago we drove up the Pacific Coast Highway from LA to San Francisco. It was a life changing trip. I think I want to continue it. Only this time we'll start in San Francisco and continue north. Oregon is the only west coast state that we still need to visit.
Andy and I actually considered doing this one this weekend. Just for something to do. Unfortunately, prior commitments made it impossible. Maybe soon.
This is ultimate road trip #1. We figured from Virginia and up the east coast would be a separate trip. Then there is most of the middle states that we'll have to hit too, but for now we'll just plan on this one.
Someday.
A couple years ago we drove up the Pacific Coast Highway from LA to San Francisco. It was a life changing trip. I think I want to continue it. Only this time we'll start in San Francisco and continue north. Oregon is the only west coast state that we still need to visit.
Andy and I actually considered doing this one this weekend. Just for something to do. Unfortunately, prior commitments made it impossible. Maybe soon.
This is ultimate road trip #1. We figured from Virginia and up the east coast would be a separate trip. Then there is most of the middle states that we'll have to hit too, but for now we'll just plan on this one.
Someday.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Random bit of catch-up...
My family came down to visit May 11 & 12. It was the first time we had all been together since Christmas and I was so excited to see them that I jammed the weekend full of activities. By the end we were exhausted, but we had a lot of fun. I love spending time with my family and seeing us become better friends.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Playlist of my life
As I was driving to work this morning a song came on the radio that I listened to A LOT growing up. It got me to thinking about how many moment in my life have specific songs attached to them.
1. Let the River Run - Carly Simon - Growing up my parents ran several marathons. My dad would make tapes to run with and every few miles would have a song assigned to them. We'd sit in the car driving to a race and listen to these tapes. This song always makes me think of those times with my family.
2. Standing Outside the Fire - Garth Brooks - The year was 1996. It was the Summer Olympic Games in Atlanta. The Magnificent 7 won the 1st team gold medal for USA gymnastics. That moment changed me. Instantly I became hooked on gymnastics. I took lessons (obviously that didn't pan out into anything), I collected Wheaties boxes, I wrote fan letters and went to competitions. During the Olympics there was a video montage set to this song. We watched it multiple times as a family and since we taped it I watched it countless more times. This video can, without a doubt, make me cry within the first 20 seconds. Every time I hear this song I am taken back to the 13 year old sitting on the couch with tears in her eyes watching those gymnasts get their gold medals.
3. Forever Young - Rod Stewart - My parents put the lyrics to this song in my senior yearbook as my senior tribute. The lyrics always had an effect and to me it felt like a special connection between my parents and I.
4. She's in Love with a Boy - Trisha Yearwood - Saturday morning cleaning at our house always included this song. My mom would sing along and it's a very fond memory that I have of her.
5. With Arms Wide Open - Creed - It's the classic story. Girl dates boy. Apparently boy is also dating another girl. The first girl finds out about it when the boy dedicates song on the radio to the second girl. Girl breaks up with boy. The end.
6. - 500 Miles - The Proclaimers - A favorite memory of mine from when I went to EA was dancing like a complete buffoon to this song with my friend Emelle.
7. At the Beginning - Donna Lewis & Richard Marx - Classic story part 2. Girl meets boy. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy proposes to girl. Boy and girl get married and this is their song. Girl especially likes when boy sings the song to her.
8. Give a Little - Hanson - There are few moments in my life that I can look back on and pinpoint that at that exact moment I was completely happy. When I heard this song live was one of those times.
9. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie - I heard this song a few years ago and from the first verse I was hooked. Death Cab for Cutie is one of my all time favorite groups.
10. Soldier - Gavin DeGraw - My favorite song changes almost on a daily basis. Today it's this.
1. Let the River Run - Carly Simon - Growing up my parents ran several marathons. My dad would make tapes to run with and every few miles would have a song assigned to them. We'd sit in the car driving to a race and listen to these tapes. This song always makes me think of those times with my family.
2. Standing Outside the Fire - Garth Brooks - The year was 1996. It was the Summer Olympic Games in Atlanta. The Magnificent 7 won the 1st team gold medal for USA gymnastics. That moment changed me. Instantly I became hooked on gymnastics. I took lessons (obviously that didn't pan out into anything), I collected Wheaties boxes, I wrote fan letters and went to competitions. During the Olympics there was a video montage set to this song. We watched it multiple times as a family and since we taped it I watched it countless more times. This video can, without a doubt, make me cry within the first 20 seconds. Every time I hear this song I am taken back to the 13 year old sitting on the couch with tears in her eyes watching those gymnasts get their gold medals.
4. She's in Love with a Boy - Trisha Yearwood - Saturday morning cleaning at our house always included this song. My mom would sing along and it's a very fond memory that I have of her.
5. With Arms Wide Open - Creed - It's the classic story. Girl dates boy. Apparently boy is also dating another girl. The first girl finds out about it when the boy dedicates song on the radio to the second girl. Girl breaks up with boy. The end.
6. - 500 Miles - The Proclaimers - A favorite memory of mine from when I went to EA was dancing like a complete buffoon to this song with my friend Emelle.
7. At the Beginning - Donna Lewis & Richard Marx - Classic story part 2. Girl meets boy. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy proposes to girl. Boy and girl get married and this is their song. Girl especially likes when boy sings the song to her.
8. Give a Little - Hanson - There are few moments in my life that I can look back on and pinpoint that at that exact moment I was completely happy. When I heard this song live was one of those times.
9. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie - I heard this song a few years ago and from the first verse I was hooked. Death Cab for Cutie is one of my all time favorite groups.
10. Soldier - Gavin DeGraw - My favorite song changes almost on a daily basis. Today it's this.
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Sunday Randomness
1. Student-isms - 1st grade writing is the best. The absolute best.
2. I love The Hunger Games movie. That is all.
3. I received a very sweet present from someone at work. Just because she knew it meant something to me.
2. I love The Hunger Games movie. That is all.
3. I received a very sweet present from someone at work. Just because she knew it meant something to me.
4. I was super stressed out today and received a text from someone that made me feel special.
5. Sofia Vergara cracks me up and The Amazing Race makes me momentarily irrational.
6. I really, really need a road trip. Preferably to one of these places.
7. I found a letter that my parents had written to me almost 11 years ago. It's fun to see the parts of my personality they noticed back then that haven't changed and to realize that even now I still really want to make them proud of me.
Thursday, February 02, 2012
Maybe it just takes a mile...
It seems that every time I have an epiphany, it happens at the most random times. Driving to work or listening to music or even couple days ago when I was playing Angry Birds (I told you it was random). The last week or so I have had several.
Epiphany #1
About a month and a half ago I was called to serve in the Young Womens in our ward. It would be an understatement to say that my own experience in Young Womens was not the best. I have spent many years trying to block out that time in my life. There might have been tears shed when the bishopric came to our house to ask if I was serve. There might have been even more tears after that. It might even be safe to say that I was hoping they'd realize they made a mistake. I honestly did not know what I could possibly offer and the sour taste in my mouth did nothing to help it. Fast forward to last Wednesday. It was time to go to mutual and I was driving the mile from our house to the church, when it hit me. My Young Women's experience was 10 years ago. I've had 10 years of dwelling on the hurt and negativity of that experience. 10 years is a long time. Now before you resort to the obvious 'duh' in regards to my previous sentence, maybe it takes stating the complete obvious in order for you to get your priorities in order. Enter epiphany. My experience is what it is. Yes, it sucked, but I can't change it. I can't go back and fix it. It happened and while it affected me more than I would like to admit, maybe that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Maybe it's okay that it happened the way it did. Maybe in order for me to do what I am supposed to do now, I needed to go through that. It's okay. I am okay. And after 10 years that feels really good.
Epiphany #2
One of my biggest strengths is my ability to accept change. I can totally deal with after holiday let down and last minute cancellations. When people move away or something really good ends, I just can't wait to see what come next and I look forward to it with complete excitement. Sounds just like me, right mom? Oh wait, no. I have that completely backwards. I do not deal well with change. It tends to put me in a funk for days and days. Recently I lost a friendship with someone that I had considered to be a close friend. The loss of this friendship affected me more than I thought it would. At first I was angry. Then that anger turned into hurt. For whatever reason I was under the assumption that this friendship meant as much to them as it did to me and the realization that it didn't...really hurt. It still makes me sad to see how much distance is between us and I am not sure we can ever go back. The problem is that not seeing this person is not an option, so I can continue to be hurt and complain....or I can realize this is part of life and move on. I choose to move on.
Last, but not least. Epiphany #3
I have always felt a little weird. A little out of place. A little uncomfortable. Maybe everyone feels that way or maybe it's just me. Either way, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. I noticed that I feel the need to apologize for things. A lot. I'll ask a question and then think it was stupid and apologize. I'll want to do something for someone and then assume they will think I'm weird, so I won't. I want to say things or I will say things and then spend hours repeating it in my head and picking it apart. I don't like that part of me. I was watching a talk show and this actress was on talking about how she loves sloths. She then shared a video of her having a complete melt down because her husband "rented" a sloth to be at her birthday party. It was totally random and a little odd. And yet...she seemed completely confident. That's what she liked and that is who she is and she was totally okay with it. Weird and all. I want to be happy with who I am. All the weird parts (and there are a lot) included. I'm completely random. I cry at least once a day and it's usually at really bizarre stuff like commercials. I am a creature of habit. When I like something I REALLY like it and probably tend to go a little overboard. I love music. I don't like unloading the dishwasher. I get jealous. I hit snooze at least 10 times every morning. I watch Nickelodeon. I tear up whenever I see anything related to the 1996 Olympic Gymnastics team. Charmin toilet paper commercials bug me. My train of thought goes from point A to point Z in 2.3 seconds. I love to vacuum. I like to laugh. I can be loud and talk really fast. I want to be noticed in my job and feel like I am doing something right. I worry...constantly. I love Andy's hugs. I hate mushrooms and being tickled. I am just me.
Epiphany #1
About a month and a half ago I was called to serve in the Young Womens in our ward. It would be an understatement to say that my own experience in Young Womens was not the best. I have spent many years trying to block out that time in my life. There might have been tears shed when the bishopric came to our house to ask if I was serve. There might have been even more tears after that. It might even be safe to say that I was hoping they'd realize they made a mistake. I honestly did not know what I could possibly offer and the sour taste in my mouth did nothing to help it. Fast forward to last Wednesday. It was time to go to mutual and I was driving the mile from our house to the church, when it hit me. My Young Women's experience was 10 years ago. I've had 10 years of dwelling on the hurt and negativity of that experience. 10 years is a long time. Now before you resort to the obvious 'duh' in regards to my previous sentence, maybe it takes stating the complete obvious in order for you to get your priorities in order. Enter epiphany. My experience is what it is. Yes, it sucked, but I can't change it. I can't go back and fix it. It happened and while it affected me more than I would like to admit, maybe that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Maybe it's okay that it happened the way it did. Maybe in order for me to do what I am supposed to do now, I needed to go through that. It's okay. I am okay. And after 10 years that feels really good.
Epiphany #2
One of my biggest strengths is my ability to accept change. I can totally deal with after holiday let down and last minute cancellations. When people move away or something really good ends, I just can't wait to see what come next and I look forward to it with complete excitement. Sounds just like me, right mom? Oh wait, no. I have that completely backwards. I do not deal well with change. It tends to put me in a funk for days and days. Recently I lost a friendship with someone that I had considered to be a close friend. The loss of this friendship affected me more than I thought it would. At first I was angry. Then that anger turned into hurt. For whatever reason I was under the assumption that this friendship meant as much to them as it did to me and the realization that it didn't...really hurt. It still makes me sad to see how much distance is between us and I am not sure we can ever go back. The problem is that not seeing this person is not an option, so I can continue to be hurt and complain....or I can realize this is part of life and move on. I choose to move on.
Last, but not least. Epiphany #3
I have always felt a little weird. A little out of place. A little uncomfortable. Maybe everyone feels that way or maybe it's just me. Either way, I've been thinking about that a lot recently. I noticed that I feel the need to apologize for things. A lot. I'll ask a question and then think it was stupid and apologize. I'll want to do something for someone and then assume they will think I'm weird, so I won't. I want to say things or I will say things and then spend hours repeating it in my head and picking it apart. I don't like that part of me. I was watching a talk show and this actress was on talking about how she loves sloths. She then shared a video of her having a complete melt down because her husband "rented" a sloth to be at her birthday party. It was totally random and a little odd. And yet...she seemed completely confident. That's what she liked and that is who she is and she was totally okay with it. Weird and all. I want to be happy with who I am. All the weird parts (and there are a lot) included. I'm completely random. I cry at least once a day and it's usually at really bizarre stuff like commercials. I am a creature of habit. When I like something I REALLY like it and probably tend to go a little overboard. I love music. I don't like unloading the dishwasher. I get jealous. I hit snooze at least 10 times every morning. I watch Nickelodeon. I tear up whenever I see anything related to the 1996 Olympic Gymnastics team. Charmin toilet paper commercials bug me. My train of thought goes from point A to point Z in 2.3 seconds. I love to vacuum. I like to laugh. I can be loud and talk really fast. I want to be noticed in my job and feel like I am doing something right. I worry...constantly. I love Andy's hugs. I hate mushrooms and being tickled. I am just me.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Christmas....
It's almost a month later, but I thought I'd post some pictures from our Christmas adventure in Mexico. We went to Puerto Penasco (Rocky Point) with my family for Christmas this year. We had a BLAST. The week consisted of four-wheeling, games, presents, movies, playing on the beach, swimming, exploring, finding shells, walking, Nerf gun competition and war, sunset cruise, trip to an aquarium, breaking a pinata and flying over the sea in an Ultralight. It was quite a week. Thanks mom and dad for the BEST Christmas!
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
Small things...
I am not a fan of New Years. Never have been really. Maybe it's that things change and I don't do well with change. But since it is inevitable, I figure I should try to make the best of it. I always do better if I have something to look forward to. Small things. They seem to help. Even if they're seemingly insignificant to others.
Can't forget this
Things I'm looking forward to (so far) in 2012
This movie
And this movie
Hunger Games playlist
Visits with these guys
Finishing these
Can't forget this
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Student-isms
Sound of the week: sh
This sound can always be a little tricky because some kids like to share their knowledge of inappropriate words that can begin with the sh sound. However, it's still a sound they need to know so we truck ahead and I just keep my fingers crossed that it's kept first grade appropriate. Well my students delivered. I was looking over their papers and in the midst of lots of ships, sharks and shots I stumbled across one that I couldn't decipher. One thing I LOVE about first graders is phonetic spelling. I love seeing how they sound out words and see the progress as they learn. However I had no idea was a 'Shimimntmers' was. When he told me what the word was I couldn't even pretend to hold back my laughter.
sh word winner is: Shiver me timbers...hence the pirate.
LOVE IT!
Runner up just might be the word tishoo
I love 1st graders!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Missing...
Something is missing in my life. I feel off. I feel weird. I feel out of place. It's like I can't find somewhere that I fit. 100%...completely....fully fit. I don't think I've ever felt that way.
Then the more I try to fit the farther I get and the more out of place I feel.
I wish I could figure it out enough to fix it.
Then the more I try to fit the farther I get and the more out of place I feel.
I wish I could figure it out enough to fix it.
And if you feel just like a tourist, in the city you were born
Then it's time to go
And define your destination
There's so many different places to call home
Because when you find yourself the villain in the story you have written
It's plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemption's
Would you agree?
If so please show me
-Death Cab for Cutie: You are a Tourist
Then it's time to go
And define your destination
There's so many different places to call home
Because when you find yourself the villain in the story you have written
It's plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions are in need of redemption's
Would you agree?
If so please show me
-Death Cab for Cutie: You are a Tourist
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Mark...
This post is mostly for Andy and I. It is a way of trying to record the the thoughts and feelings we've been having for the last week. Last Sunday we found out that one of Andy's best friends had passed away. He had been diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gerhig's disease) in 2009.
When Andy and I were dating and after we got married I had heard a lot about Mark. I heard lots of funny stories and we spent quite a few nights with Mark and his wife Elizabeth. As often happens, life got in the way, and we didn't see Mark and Liz as much as we wanted. Despite that, the fact that Mark was Andy's best friend never changed. He was always there. When Mark became a police officer he would come to our house and bang on the front door yelling "Mesa PD". One time my school got broken into and Mark was the responding officer. He called me and met me at the school, where he proceeded to walk around with me just to make sure that I and my classroom were okay.
Andy's parents told us that Mark had passed away last Sunday. That afternoon we went over to Mark and Liz's house to see Liz. She told us what had happened and was very calm. I remember how calm and peaceful it felt in their home. Monday was a hard day for me. It was hard for Andy to express his emotions, but I was doing enough of that for both of us. The viewing was Friday night. It was amazing to see how many lives Mark had touched. When we got to the viewing there were tables set up with pictures of Mark and his family. They also had his police uniform on display. 2 officers stood guard by the casket. We saw Mark's parents first. They both hugged us and I overheard both of them tell Andy how much Mark loved him. We saw Mark's brothers and they both told Andy the same thing. Finally we saw Liz. Andy went over and gave her a big hug. He had written her a letter and she thanked him for it and then said, "I hope you know how much Mark loved you." It was amazing. Here she is...heartbroken and yet she can still find words of comfort to give to Andy. I gave her a hug, but I couldn't think of anything to say. "I'm sorry..." didn't seem enough. We just looked at each other and she smiled and then we moved away to make room for more people.
Saturday was the funeral. Because Mark was a police officer his funeral was with the complete honor guard and everything. I can't put into words how touching it is to see all these officers in uniform paying tribute to their friend. The funeral was very sweet. Sad and emotional, but funny and uplifting. Mark's family shared memories and funny stories of him and Andy was sitting beside me going, "Yep...that was Mark" and "I remember that...". On our way to the cemetery Andy was very quiet. I asked him how he was feeling and he said "I didn't want the funeral to end. I just wanted them to keep talking about Mark."
Today was a hard day. I have been crying on and off since Friday. I have so many emotions right now. Part of me feels guilty for being so sad. Especially when Liz and Mark's family are the ones going through this. I feel heartbroken for Mark's 5 kids. I feel inspired by Liz and her countless hours of service. I feel honored to have known Mark.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Random mush of babbling...
Yesterday I had a very unpleasant encounter with another individual. It was loud and angry and hurtful. There was swearing and accusations thrown at me from this person and despite it all, I just found myself sitting there and apologizing. I then proceeded to spend the next hour crying (not in front of this person) and then went home and dwelt on in for the rest of the evening. I was told by someone else that I need to put a barricade up and not let this affect my life. Don't take it home with me and don't think about it again. Problem is....I have NO idea how to do that. I don't know how to let it go. Here is this person....a person that is unstable, irrational and defensive and frankly a person that I don't really even like that much and despite knowing these things about her I still took it home and let it fester. People say "let it go" and "don't let it get to you".
HOW?!? How do I do that? What is it about me that can't stand that someone (even someone crazy) is mad at me? I would love to not care. I would love to let it go. I just don't know quite how to do that. I worry about what people think about me. I worry about me saying the wrong thing. I worry about losing friends and second guess a lot of what I say and do because of this. Even now as I write this I worry about who (if anyone) will read it and what they will think.
Argh. I think it's time for some chocolate.
HOW?!? How do I do that? What is it about me that can't stand that someone (even someone crazy) is mad at me? I would love to not care. I would love to let it go. I just don't know quite how to do that. I worry about what people think about me. I worry about me saying the wrong thing. I worry about losing friends and second guess a lot of what I say and do because of this. Even now as I write this I worry about who (if anyone) will read it and what they will think.
Argh. I think it's time for some chocolate.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Well hello....
Can't believe it's September already. In some aspects the summer flew by. In other aspects is has dragged more slowly than anything ever has before. I blame the weather. When it's hot, the days drag and there is nothing else to do but count the minutes until you are laying in your air conditioned bedroom cocoon. Despite the tear inducing heat we have managed to have some fun.
First off...California. I'll let this picture speak for itself.
If you want more of the adventure...go here.
Bring on the midnight showing of Harry Potter.
Then my birthday. I have great friends who surprised me with...
dinner...
amazing presents...
and a show at Jester'Z Improv Theater...which was amazing.
Then it was off to San Diego with my mom and sister-in-law to see Mary Poppins
Birthday weekend was capped off by going to the Death Cab for Cutie concert with Andy
Somewhere in all of this school started and life is back into some resemblance of a routine.
Looking forward to: Colorado & cooler weather
First off...California. I'll let this picture speak for itself.
If you want more of the adventure...go here.Bring on the midnight showing of Harry Potter.
Then my birthday. I have great friends who surprised me with...
dinner...
amazing presents...
and a show at Jester'Z Improv Theater...which was amazing.
Then it was off to San Diego with my mom and sister-in-law to see Mary Poppins
Birthday weekend was capped off by going to the Death Cab for Cutie concert with Andy
Somewhere in all of this school started and life is back into some resemblance of a routine.Looking forward to: Colorado & cooler weather
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Absolute must...
There are lots of things that I want to do in my lifetime. Lots of places to go and things to see. However there is one place that is in my top 3 that I absolutely HAVE to see. The desire to go there is so strong that I am seriously tempted to jump in the car and drive the 1300+ miles right now!
Glacier National Park
I can't explain it, but the urge is consuming. One day. One day soon.
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